Category Archive

the following is based on real events. names have been changed to protect the stupid.

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(boy, leans into a girl’s space, sniffing)

girl: (slightly backing up) uh, watcha doing?

boy: something smells good. i was wondering if it is you. it smells really good.

(boy leans into girl’s space more.)

boy: it’s you. you smell good.

girl: what do i smell like?

boy: funeral flowers.

first of all, i would like to thank my sister for . . . well . . . just being herself.  without her, this post would not be possible.    (melissa, you know i love you.)

recently, my family and i spent some time at good ol’ myrtle beach.  besides the 7 hour trip (which was supposed to take 4), a beach house filled to the brim with 19 people (a great source of activity, not so much with personal space), and it being senior week (i think every high school graduate was at the beach that weekend), we really did have a good time.

here are some verbal blunders and funny quotations that i particularly enjoyed in our three day stay.

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melissa (while chewing a rather large chunk of beef jerky): “mmm . . . i love beef jerky!  (pause) is it made of ham?”

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melissa (while waiting for the elevator with my dad): “so, what room are we in?”

dad: “412.”

melissa: “so, is that on the third floor?”

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ben: “okay, that’s it.  i’m NEED to find a bathroom . . . or a pier . . .”

_  _  _  _  _  _  _  _

rachel (while running towards her 1.5 year old, who was heading towards the backend of the family yorkie with a strategically-pointed finger): “somebody grab ella!  she’s about to give the dog a colonoscopy!”

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hee hee

(disclaimer: if you have no idea what in the world a jolly roger is, stop reading now . . . )background:

for those of you who don’t know, i’m working at a daycamp this summer. (talk about going from the sublime to the occasionally riduculous . . .) this work environment, except on rare–very rare– days, is never boring.

so, on to the story:

due to unfortunate circumstances, one male leader at daycamp found himself temporarily stuck with all of the younger-aged boys (2-6th grades) yesterday in the locker room to the pool by himself. struggling to maintain some method to the madness while the boys impatiently waited to get wet, he wrangled as many boys that he could to sit until the lifeguards would let them in.

just as the decibels were returning to undeafening status, and the leader breathed a sigh of nervous relief, the outside door to the locker room opened.

who should walk in but . . . <<insert dramatic music here>>

patch the pirate.

the locker room ex-plod-ed.

“patch the pirate! it’s patch the pirate!,” the chorus of young boys sang as they jumped up and practically assaulted the fundamental celebrity.

the leader (according to his own testimony), vainly tried to resecure the premises as half-naked little boys who were changing jumped from stalls and showers to get a personal glimpse of the pirate.

“ahoy, mates!” the pirate chanted.

the chaos turned to mayhem as the leader, shouting, could not restrain the admirers in swimmies anymore.

luckily for him, the lifeguard opened the door.

recently my single cousin went to breakfast with her mom and our grandparents.

papa, always looking for an opportunity to create mischief, leaned over the breakfast table and whispered:

“somebody told me that you are getting married in january.”

my cousin, who doesn’t have anyone really “on the horizon,” leaned over the table right back at him and replied,

“i hope it was God!”

(no kidding, cuz, no kidding . . . )

as i am typing, i can hear my sister’s muffled voice weakly saying, “help . . . help . . . “

we aren’t quite sure how this happened, but the door knob to the bathroom, upon being locked, decided to stay just that . . . locked.

my mother and i are presently waiting for my father to get home in order to remove my jr high sibling from the restroom.

hey, i did what i could! i wiggled the handle! i tried to shove a screwdriver into the knob to loosen it! granted, i was laughing hysterically at the time . . . but i assure you, that didn’t have anything to do with the fact that i couldn’t get it to open!

so, seeing as there was nothing else i can do, i decided i would take this wonderful opportunity to share with all of my reading audience (all four of you) about the most randomest happening that has happened to my family in a while.

oh– my dad’s home. i want to go see how he gets her out . . . if there’s a chain saw involved, I’M SO IN!

(to be continued . . . )

i went to barnes and noble’s the other day with my sister. as i walked around, picking up random interesting titles and reading the back, i meandered to the center aisle where they have tables of books on display. it was then that i noticed a smallish table towards the back with a very interesting (at least to me) sign . . .

“the new christians.”

now, in my circles, “new christian” is synonymous with “new convert.” someone new to the Faith. someone who just confessed Christ as Savior.

this sign doesn’t declare that. it isn’t a marker for recently-saved people to find a devotional about Christian basics.

this table was full of new titles, hot off emergent presses. “in love with Jesus, but not the church?” one subtitle asks . . .

i find this all very interesting, as people complain about religion and long for relationships.

perhaps what’s intriguing is what the sign implies: not only new, but improved. almost like revamped salad dressing with a new logo design– “new look! better taste!”

as they say, “out with the old, in with the new . . . “

but what about those who aren’t old, but are definitely leery of the new? (a book on my personal beliefs on christianity probably wouldn’t find itself on the “new christian” table . . .)

if we (those of us who find ourselves in the land of inbetween) had a sign on a table at B&N on display, what would it say?

not quite finding the right words?

yeah.

me neither.

last night was absolutely perfect. it was in the mid-70s with a light breeze. the full moon offered enough light to look and listen to a good friend as we walked and talked. the field, with its short, full grass, tapered drastically to our right.i looked over at my friend and said, “you know, i’ve never rolled down a hill before.” the shadows of her face revealed her astonishment.

“really?!”

“never.”

we walked a few more steps before i stopped and looked at her again.

“hey . . . i will if you will.”

we put our stuff down (i took my glasses off) and positioned ourselves at the top of the hill.

we counted down before we tipped ourselves, rolling until the field leveled itself again.

we finally stopped and sprawled across the grass at the bottom and laughed until the dizziness passed . . . or was close to passing.

i looked at the stars, my fingers lacing around the grass, and thought to myself, “this is a happy moment.”

it was . . . a simple, happy moment.

i’ve decided i definitely need more of those (especially when my mind finds itself heavy. unfortunately often, recently.).

however, i’ve found that simple, happy moments don’t take much . . .

just some spontaneity, a good friend, and a grassy hill.